I’m writing something now (a journal entry) that I will put in my Blog – Provincial View (I have two blogs). I have not written in there for a long time, but there’s something on my mind this evening that I think is beautiful and lovely, and I want to record it, and possibly share it with anyone who wants to read it.
I just finished dropping the girls off at their mom’s after their having spent the past several days with me. This is our Sunday evening routine – take them back to Mom’s at 6:00 PM. It’s always a bit of a challenging time for me, that sudden and precipitous change from loads of activity, stimulus (over-stimulus?), noise, laughs, smiles, and occasional firmness and – as I notice while writing – certainty of my role in life to them being absent.
I can’t help but notice the change unless I’m distracted with some overlapping activity, or doing something to purposefully numb myself. That’s usually not the case, so Sunday evenings tend to have a bit of a melancholy feel to them. I wonder if they sometimes feel a little of that (I don’t show my feeling on this to them, and besides, don’t really have that feeling until a few minutes after I’ve dropped them off)?
Tonight, however, I’m recalling something really special about them that I think I will remember for a long time. At least I hope so, and I know that by writing about it, all the more so will I remember.
Kiley and Kiana love to help me with things – little chores and such. This is all the more true ofsomething that’s new and they haven’t done too much, and somewhat less true for routine things. As time goes on, there are more routine things, and fewer new things. I guess that’s the way of life.
Yesterday was no exception. I stopped to get gas in the car, and they right away asked if they could help to clean the windows. Ever since they were really little, I would let them help with that. I remember when they were about 4 or 5, I would hold them up and let them grasp the squeegee while I would work their little bodies as if a handle extension, and swipe the window clean with them as part of the action. They always got a kick out of it, and now they can do it all on their own. I still do the windshield myself, but the side windows and rear window are all theirs.
When we were about finished, I looked in back and noticed that one of them had taken a paper towel and wiped the trunk deck “clean” with it. Ugh! The car is jet black, and in pretty decent shape, but was quite dirty at the time. She didn’t know, but wiping dirt off the car body with a dry paper towel will certainly scratch the paint. I wasn’t too happy, and told her (I won’t mention names) this was not a good thing to do. I succeeded in keeping my perspective (she doesn’t know, she’s only trying to help) and didn’t get to angry, and also didn’t give her too much grief about it. I did, however, note that I definitely needed to wash the car.
This morning, after we’d had breakfast and done a bit of the morning routine, I told them we needed to wash the car. They actually like this. I have them wash the wheels and tires while I do the body, and I give them each $1.00 for their doing a good job (but I’m pretty demanding – haha). So we headed out, each with our own buckets of soapy water and washing utensils, and set into the task.
Soon after we started, Kiley reminded me of something I had noticed lying on my kitchen counter for the past several months, and had considered tossing but had not yet marshaled the hardness of heart to do so. She reminded me of my “coupon book”. Ah, so sweet. They had stapled together little bits of paper, each with a drawing on it and text hand inscribed detailing the award each coupon afforded. There was one for a “free” car wash, a floor sweeping, and another for breakfast in bed. I was quite touched when they gave it to me, for the thought of them making the effort and putting the thought into what they could offer me that was all of their own making. Really – it’s quite something.
So today I was touched all over again that the girls had remembered this, and reminded me that indeed I did not need to pay them their $1.00 each for washing the car this time. It warmed my heart as we went about getting the car all spic n span. I mentioned that I really needed to wax the car, since it had been a long time and stuff was kind of sticking to the paint surfaces. They were quite excited about that, and asked if they could watch. I chuckled to myself about how boring they will find it to be to actually watch me wax the car.
As we finished up the washing, I debated with myself about having them actually help me wax the car. Actually, I’m kind of particular about that, and hesitated as I thought of how they might mess things up, get me upset, get bored, or whatever. But I decided the result was less important than the experience, and the chance to do something together with them, to teach them, and even to teach myself to “let go” (of attachment to “stuff”).
I cut up some extra waxing rags after we finished washing the car, thinking I’d let them help if they wanted. Sure enough, Kiley was the first to eagerly watch me smearing on that first bit of wax, and as she watched I asked if she wanted to help. Enthusiastically, she replied she definitely wanted to. Soon Kiana wanted in the action, as well. So I taught them the basics which I adhere to (wait for the paste to dry, use one cloth for the initial wiping, then a second clean one for buffing, turn the rag over often, etc.). They were quick learners, and really put themselves into it.
Soon I was having trouble keeping up with them, and even though they worked carefully and rebuffed areas I told them needed it, I had to pretty much devote myself to putting the paste on exclusively. They really were helping, and things went really quickly.
We ended up waxing almost the entire car (I had planned to only do the roof, trunk deck, and hood), when some friends had arrived for a planned play date. We packed up our stuff, then hopped in the car and headed over to a local park with them.
Every time I wax my car, I have a special feeling of wholeness and “everything being right with the world” that’s irrational, but evident nonetheless. It’s some kind of luxury to take the time to wax the car, and it makes the old girl look darned near good as new. So this afternoon, and this evening, each time as I approach my car to get in, I have that feeling wash over me. Only this time, it’s even more special. For it reminds me of my special daughters, who have such kind and giving hearts as to give me their little coupon, then later make good on it. Additionally, I have that reflection of my own decision to include them in the extra task (waxing), taking the time to teach them and put them as a priority over the car and the results.
As parents, we often face such choices. Do we rush through some kind of daily task, knowing we can do it more quickly and efficiently if we do it ourselves? Or do we take the time to take our children by the hand, and teach them patiently how it’s done? I am often reminded of how rewarding it is to slow down and engage with my children. We don’t need to rush through life. Real living is about slowing down and drinking in the richness of living in the moment, enjoying that moment which we have.
I’m so lucky to be a father, and to learn from my kids.
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